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This certifies that
______________________________
is the owner of 5,000,000
FULLY PAID AND TOTALLY WORTHLESS SHARES OF THE COMMON STOCK OF ENRON ENERGY CORPORATION, INC. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED, TAXED,
REGULATED, SCRUTINIZED, AUDITED, OR STUDIED LOGICALLY.
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Enron Stock
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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"If You Can't Get Your Head Out of Your Own Ass, Let Us Do It for You"
MEMBER, AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION, COLLEGE OF PHYSICANS & SURGEONS, PLUMBERS' UNION, LOCAL 413, AFL-CIO
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ACME Proctology Associates Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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Here's what our satisfied customers are saying about us:
"I've never looked better!"
-Ted Danson
"Sure beats those toupees that fall off during action sequences."
-Bruce Willis
"Bald? Who told you I was bald?"
-Burt Reynolds
CALL FOR YOUR APPOINTMENT TODAY!
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Hair Club For Guys
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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This Certificate Entitles the Bearer to
A Consultation with a Criminal Attorney from
The Law Offices of M. Al Practice
No Crime Too Small - Repeat Offenders a Specialty
Refer a Friend - Get a Free Motion to Dismiss!
We Make Cell Calls
Notary Publc
Bail Bondsman on Premises
Se Habla Espanol
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Get out of Jail Free
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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Our Successful Graduates Include:
| Howard Stern |
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Mike Tyson |
| Roseanne |
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Eminem |
| F. Lee Bailey |
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Judge Judy |
Get Your Thumb Out of Your Ass and call 1-800-GET-KLAS
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Manners R' Us Charm School
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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"Redeem This Certificate for a Complimentary Copy of Martha Stewart's Prison Living"
'Help from a Pro about being a Con'
IN THIS MONTH'S ISSUE:
Do Stripes Make You Look Fat?
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Martha’s Inside Stock Tips
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Toning exercises you can do while you're in line for the shower
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Spruce up Your Cold Drab Cell
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Gourmet cooking on a Sing-Sing scale
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Brioche for 600
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ON NEWS STANDS NOW! Tell Your Friends - Just Don't Tell the SEC$
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Martha Stewart's Prison Living Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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"This certificate entitles the Bearer to use the phrase "One Nation Under God" in public without being subjected to harassment, arrest, incarceration, intimidation, or lawsuit."
Present this certificate to any jackass that takes offense with the word God in our Pledge Of Allegiance, and suggest that he or she packs their bags, and moves the hell out of The United States.
God Bless America!
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One Nation Under God
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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Going Out of Business! All Minutes Must Go!
Leading telecom giant WorldCom (while admitting no wrong-doing) must sell off its entire inventory of long-distance calling time. We have centuries worth of airtime and we're ready to deal!
No reasonable offer refused!
We'll even take your current pre-paid calling time as trade-in! WorldCom. Connecting America to its Accountants since 1995.
(Present this certificate for a free month and a half of night and weekend, off-peak, Daylight Savings Time, interstate, non-commercial calling time. Void where prohibited. Call for details. Some restrictions apply.
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MCI / World Com
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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We Take the "Count" Out of "Accounting"
Document Shredding Not Included
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Arthur Andersen
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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This Certificate Entitles You to One Free Counseling Session
I Ought to Have My Head Examined - A Mental Health Clinic
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One Free Counseling Session
Gag Gift Certificate
OUR PRICE: $ 1.29
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